Hi everyone. Ya...lately have not been blogging that frequently...sorry. I learn how not to let my blog become dull and colourless...i should go throught some filtration before things come on to the blog. HEEHEE. yes.

I could say..this year is a year whereby i feel myself feeling and behaving strangely. Yea. Partially i didnt smile that often le. Opps...cannot learn from me yea? Peeps. HEEHEE. I hope this would be temporary. Cause it is making me even more tired..apart from all the school work. Yea...i need to let my soul rest. I dont want to see myself falling first. No matter what...if i've tired my best..where will there be regrets? Ya? yes. If i am know what i am doing...i just dont need to explain myself for things or decision. YEs. If i know the only way to make me lighten is to let go of things that i am grabbing on too tightly..probably that would earn a smile or two on my face. If i ever feel tired...i will have to encourage myself on. After all..i am the first person who knows whats going on in me. If i push myself too hard..i will never make it..it would only make me fall again. I need to be contented. If i have to laugh out loud at my mistake..go ahead! YA? I already has restricted myself from too many feelings...therefore i also burden peeps around. After saying so much...whats wrong with me????????

heehee....may the smile be unfadeable on my face...what what i care for living is to live happily. I see the cup half filled...i am going to save the water till it reach the brim. Wait and see the outcome with me..heehee

It will always feel good to have someone to pat on your shoulder. Even in slience...it heals the broken soul. A bless to be care for...a kind heart to spread the warm. Even under harash environment...it definitely matters a lot! 

Hi everyone. hm...finished physics test. I was so worried last night..cause i fell asleep before even starting to revise for it. Then..i had to tune my alarm clock to wake me up at 4.15am. Wahz....all my family members were sleeping..and i am the only one studying non-stop. Phew..finially it's over.

I know...i've take things too hard. As much as i know...i ask myself..." Do i care?" And everytime is that same old reply from me...I "dont" care. Yes...i dont think i am doing the right things at all time. I tried to think as a whole...yet there is always something i've overlooked. I overlooked the depth of the situation. I can now conclude that they are all deep...not within my reach. I wish to do my part..my very best to change the situation into a pleasant one...but it seem that i end up having to explain myself and face up with more unhappiness. What is this? Maybe i failed to understand them through my look-on-the-bright-side thought. I'm so wrong. Are all the 70 odd people's mind going along with what i think. No.doubt so. What are they thinking? How am i suppose to do...such that the minimal is to get a common aim? As far as i know. I just wonder what i can do for them within the limited time.

Heard from someone said about me. I've been smiling lesser and lesser. I dont deny. Yes..sometime i could hardly find myself laughing crazily and feel light-hearted. But to frown unknowingly. Yes..i've also put my peers into difficult position. I want to say that...i feel more than sorry for my insensible emotions.

I'm sorry. I wish i could unlock myself. the ties in my heart.

Hi everyone. yeah. Seem like i am getting myself into panda eyes. *yawn* Am trying to get over what had happened the last few days. I caught hold myself from making more mistakes. I really wish to enjoy some happy moments.

Got back the chemistry tests. Yeah..just like what i've thought. The test has failed me? or i've failed the test? I wish to believe that i've failed the test. Sometimes i heard people saying that just cry over it for 3 days 3 night and stand up again. Well..will crying helps? Maybe. The fact that i have far too little tears to spare. So the best is to get over it. YEs?

Just returned home from english remedial. Wahz..what a tiring day. Had found myself dragging along my feet from class to class. aw. Everyday have to stay back...ya..just face it. Now, am stuffing myself with lots of junk food. HEEHEE. The most pleasant to do...other than smiling is to eat. Just that when i eat...i could feel more or less relax. Sort of eat to destress ba. Try it..if you haven. It works! lala

I think the light bulb inside me is getting fainter. Aw...need to recharge le. tata. Take care peeps.

Hi everyone. Today went for CIP within the housing estate. Not bad thought..seemed to be quite a cool idea. Hm..i was in-charge of mending the game stalls. Yah...Did it with Jasmine, Li Suan and Yi Ling. Things were actually quite okie in the beginning until when the crowds started to build up and become very impatient. YEah...they start to push around and cut queeue. *faint* Hm...realised that throught this activities...i can find that some people are much more easy going than others who challeges against what is already set. Overall..i find it quite interesting despite of the legs cramp. Got kinda pissed off when someone keep playing the gong which Mr Sin had instructed us to take good care of it. *faint*

HM...at least i can get myself pre-occupied through this cip..rather than thinking of anything. I am still working on myself.

Sometimes, i find that human hearts are hard to explore. Hard to understand. When comes to think of it..it gives me the creep. who can give me a piece of mind?peace of mind? We are such a complicated mammal. Dont you agree...nvm
Good to see some of my friends are smiling. Just like before. yup yup

hm..take a break? yeah 

Hi everyone. I've given myself 24 hours from thursday to friday to get over whats troubling me. Hm..and yesterday's PE lesson really help to brighten myself up quite a lot. Guess what i saw. We care for one another and as well as the large and blueish sky. Hm..how long i've not able to see that cheerful sky. U see, when we sit in class to study...i tried to look out of the window at times. But what i see is only a portion of the sky. However when i saw the sky yesterday...it help me to take off some problems.

I dont want it to become my setbacks for life. Quit it. I cant expect everything to be perfectly fine. But...after the incident, i did tried to listen to my heart. I was just wondering, if ive changed to another person. Hopefully not. And i found that the 24 hours i've spend in mending myself is not necessary after all. Sometimes...its someone in me that tried to pull myself back.to pull back the shattered soul. I understood my lesson.

I've not forgotten my wish for you guys. To see you guys cheerful and happy. I know that lately i've been doing quite a no. of internal struggle. But frankly speaking...i still care a lot for u all. Yes.yup yup

Hi everyone. Hm...huge challenges. To face up myself.To treat myself better.To smile at my fellow sec 1s and members. To cope with any circumstances. To treat everyone good. To believe myself. To understand nothing should be bothering me like the whole world;s thing. To gain back my momentum. To be fearless and less inferior to them. To learn how to let go...

Yes...today i've shown my weakest side. I shall say nothing. Everything still goes on like before. nothing is stirred.

Today is the recruitment of the sec 1s. Kinda hectic. But hope i have delievered my message clearly to them. Passion help u to run a greater distance. Yes. PASSION. DETERMINATION. DIE-HEART. Yes...i wont give up.NEVER.

Am looking forward to the weekend. I wish i could shout out whats in my mind. I need to release myself before it is too late. N i've learn the lesson of it.---i've push myself too hard. I want to be like the agar-agar jelly...soft and bouncy...easy to adapt to changes..and bounce back even there is pressure acting on it. Let it be the most BOUNCY JELLY in me. *hoei* *adidas..nike!*

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Hi everyone. Hm...first of all..i would like to wish everyone a very happy valentine day. heehee. Is it what we call...the love is in the air? HEEHEE...nah. For me...it is a friendship day with many of my classmates. They are simply fun-loving peeps. HEEHEE

Hm...yes. I feel much better compared to yesterday. However, the stress i feel inside me has not subside yet. Haiz... I dont know what i am aiming for, which JCs to go to...and what to do when i step into the society. I am so clueless and helpless... Since primary school till...i have not really force myself to think about my future. I just feel that everything ahead is as blur...i just dont know where i am heading. I'm stuck to make decision. Ahhhh...i dont know! I know its time to leave out of my comfort zone and think about my future. N i dont know what is stopping me from all these.

The sky tells me about something. Nothing should be staying where it is from this second to the next second. Everything just has to keep moving on. Be it force or willingly. Then where should be my holding ground? My instincts tell me that the place i am in now is my holding ground/base----Home. No matter how the external environment or people who are around you changes...things would always be the same at home. A place where i could find comfort in. No matter how harash things could be...i know this is the place where i can seek consolation. Yes..sometimes i feel that everything is going against me. I feel trapped and frustrated. But..when i calm down and think back about what happened during the last few minutes...i feel so remorseful. I resist to let myself go lose. Simply just hang in the mid air. So unsettled.

I am so far from being a better person. MAY the force be with me. I will find my way back. back to my normal self.

Happie Valentine Day and Happie friendship Day to All. 

Hi everyone. Hm...i feel like shouting out to the sea...as long as no one hears me...and no one sees me. That will work the best...I cant even settle down myself...right now.. But hope that after i blogged...i can put away some thoughts...

Who can really understand...why someone will cry? I think its more than just a problem to result him/her to cry. Agree? well...

When can i pull myself through?..after so many years of struggle. Struggle again and again. Each and everytime..i tell myself to face up the problems...but i dont know what went wrong. I know i do lack in these areas. I never give up...NEver...but what is the reason behind? Yes...i felt being knocked down numerous times. Yet..something in me calls me not to give up. Yes..i wont.

Give me the might to continue down this endless journey. Pls.

I dont wish to lose the smile right from the beginning...right from now.

Hi everyone. Wanted to blog yesterday..but my brother wanted to start his CS match. ( always ) Well...i should say i not longer hog on the computer as much as i did last time. Its always the use of computers which leads us to quarrel. I think i can do better than this...hope diplomatically..we can solve the issue before reaching our parents.( heh heh...better not)

Hm...Yesterday was the release of the old level results. I went in and found myself bombarded with more thoughts as i walked out of the hall. I mean...why am i feeling so nervous and pressurised? HA HA...i think thoes who were there with me felt exactly the same...or am i too sensitive. I still cant forget the times when i took back my PSLE result. I find myself facing all these reality repeatedly..it sort of create a fear in me. A fear for history to be repeated. Hm...as they flashed the top students in 4E...i was elated to find that three of my seniors were in. I am so proud of them. They really did well... Like Janet who was beside me...she said " I want to walk out the hall smiling." Yes...walk out of the hall smiling..it might not be scoring like the top studemts..but is the approval we give ourselves after looking at the results. Mr Sin was right too...he said about the study pressure and work pressure. It was so strong and pushing hard on everyone to get things done and yet achieve the result wanted. I shall not wish for anything..but to realistically doing my part on what i should be doing...doing my best.
When i reached home, i told my parents about the release of o-level results. My mom is reasonable...she said that she would not pressuries me to get top result..but instead go for my very best in studies. I appreciated that a lot. Course its like you dont need to face up with more pressure given. Yes..all along..she never pressurise me but maybe myself. HA HA...when have i come in and take the role as a parent to guild myself? HA HA...

It was also the day when i could feel myself getting lose...all my thoughts were floated in my small brain. HEEHEE...Nevertheless, I shall not conclude at this stage. I need to have some space for myself to breathe. for my heart to beat.
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Hi everyone. Hm...time flies...sometimes it come to me that 24 hour for me is not enough...cant even find time for proper rest. No need to say...everyday the homework will pile up. Tests cum homework. Wahs. Is that the life of a 16 yr old teenager? Hm...

Everything to me now is going at the pace of a roller coaster. Zoom past you within the split second..leaving you in the daze and not knowing what's going on. Everyday is a challenge for me. To get myself going on the pace of lesson, keeping awake till 2.50pm and continue to have lessons or CCA.

I crave for time. Time to get myself back...

Hi everyone. Hm..yesterday is Ren Ri. Everyone's birthday and families would gather together for Yu sheng. It was just another day for me. A day to do homework..and motivate myself through the piles of homework.

Today, went to buy a fruit cake. Heehee..dont ask me why..just feel like eating. Maybe buy something and share with family also can. Look very appealing though..heh heh. So...thats something i can do for my family and myself at the same time. Yummie. heehee. Sometimes...we need to treat ourselves to something nice..once in a while. Never a habit. I think that's more meaningful in this way.

Hm...next week theres gonna have 3 testsss... Gonna fight my way through...and get my hands dirty. Well...i guess the only way is to be immuned to all these testss..right? Feedbacks come knocking on my door. How to explain myself then? This week isnt as smooth sailing...
Will try to make make them balance, Hectic=Happy. Now it seem to me is a bit inversely proportional...on the way to solve it.

How to make myself happy at all times? How can i control my emotions on the dot.? How to MAKE PEOPLE AROUND ME AS HAPPY?

Hi everyone. Hm... hm..have been a very hectic day. Headache.

Hm...lately i discover that i am more Stm that usual. (short form for short term memory) ..No Joke at all. Its da fact. Hm... Now i become..SSSTM. (super super short term memory) . I really forget all thoes things that i have to carry out. Even for that split of second..i could even forget. Tell me how? HA HA..try to get myself noted for more things. Tried...and still trying...

Hm..things are REALLY complicated. If theres is any more chim word to use for it..i will sure use! Its really what i am facing now. HM...i think through..listen through..struggle through...tried through...somehow..it is more that all these aids to solve a problem. A simple problem which is not easy to solve when you jump into it and investigate. Kills million of brain cells. Scared away all my pleasant dreams...living just an empty shell for me to look into. Haiz...Sometimes..i JUSt feel that heck care for awhile would be the wisest choice. Dont you think so. Let yourself be taken care by others..feel the care by others and how fortunate Am i ! WAHz....hm...sounds cool. Maybe next time find a day and do something good for myself. HA HA...lame

Hm...should all my actions be explained? I feel so...but hard. I dont want misunderstanding at the end of the day. Who will benefit? NO ONE. Sometimes...i want to remain quiet. Just get a clear mind of what i am doing. As what i say..things are more than what it seemed to be. ABSOLUTELY COMPLICATED! ya?
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Hi everyone. hm..back to school. Have not been really myself. Everything just goes wrong. But am contented by one thing..which truely make me smile. I apologise...for any thing i've done wrong. Am sorry that i could not bring out myself...haiz.

Hm..tomorrow is another day. I promised that i would be back by tomorrow. Wait for me...
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